**This was originally an email sent to my private newsletter. If you like this post, consider joining the fun.**
People like you who read my emails are of a special breed. You’re likely ambitious, eager to learn, and confident⏤or else you wouldn’t be reading this. Or, anything, for that matter.
That said, even the smartest and most positive people can get down. Our view of ourself can ebb and flow.
- A friend makes a comment that bites
- Our boss doesn’t acknowledge our extra efforts
- Or maybe it’s just a random Tuesday and we can’t seem to get our shit together
To be 100% honest, I don’t think we can ever prevent these uncomfortable feelings. Nor should we try. (Sometimes we need the tough love.)
But I do know two things that definitely won’t help us be more confident: 1) acting as if we don’t have flaws and 2) pushing the blame onto society, instead of taking ownership.
And, look, agreeing with this does not mean society doesn’t have its problems. It absolutely does.
But which do we have more control over? Changing ourselves or changing society?
In fact, it’s only logical that changing ourself IS changing society.
Shifting the blame to others only builds resentment, bitterness, and the victim mindset.
Further, acting as if we have nothing wrong with us only masks our true feelings. Looking in the mirror and saying “I love myself” isn’t enough. It’s an empty promise and we know it before it ever leaves our tongue.
Changing how we view ourself is hard, but possible. It takes time and a calculated approach. Luckily, there’s a better way to do it than posting fake affirmations on social media⏤four, actually.
4 Ways To Improve Your Body Image & Self-Esteem
1. Detach your self-worth to your results (or lack thereof).
You are much more than your weight. If you weigh more than you like, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy, undisciplined, or unworthy. You don’t diminish your commitment to your goal by letting go of the outcome. You are a process and a practice, not a goal or object. Your self-worth will increase in proportion to the promises you keep to yourself. Do what makes you proud by the end of the night. As my friend and fellow coach Aadam Ali says, “Your weight is not always your fault, but it is your responsibility.”
2. Practice better self-talk.
I always say there’s two voices in my head: one more feminine, motherly voice and one more masculine, fatherly voice. Sometimes you need the comfort from the mother. Sometimes you need the aggressive push from the father. Some worrying is helpful, but after the 18th lashing against yourself, you have to ask, “is this useful?” Starting today, write down one thing you’re grateful for that has nothing to do with how you look. Are you always there for people? Are you kind to people who don’t deserve it? Have you been responsible saving for the future? Etc.
3. Use enjoyment and wellness as your motivator, instead of an external motivator like weight loss.
Lift weights because it makes you feel strong and capable. Run because you want to live a long life and feel the “runner’s high” by the end. Eat a salad because it nourishes your body and leaves you feeling energized afterwards. By doing each of these, weight loss will happen as a by-product, but without the mental burden of chasing scale progress every morning.
4. Use urges and negative emotions as a call to action.
When it’s late at night and you’re reaching for that tub of ice cream, what’s really going on? What’s missing in your life that that ice cream is filling? When you’re feeling anxious as your head rests on your pillow, where is the source? Use these uncomfortable feelings as signals to follow more closely. (It may hurt.)
Building confidence⏤true confidence⏤is hard work. Don’t be discouraged by social media or fall prey to the victim mentality.
If you’re anything like my 1:1 coaching client, Ashley, you’ll start off small, stacking wins. Then you’ll nervously, but courageously, push past your comfort zone. You’ll succeed at something you’ve never done before. Then your trust in your abilities will increase, equipping you to overcome hard things in the future with a new sense of mental freedom.
This is how you build real self-confidence and escape the comparison trap. If this sounds like something you want professional help with, let’s work together.
Whether you decide to sign up or not, with each of these four tools you should increase your chances of success going forward.
You got this shit.
Give ’em a try and keep me posted how it goes. Would love to hear from you.
P.S. This was originally an email sent to my private newsletter. If you liked this post, consider joining the fun.